Where’s the re-set button?

Some days I would like there to be a reset button for my life. Or for that matter a rewind would work well to. The things that I do and say sometimes I wish so badly I could do over, unfortunately time keeps moving on… This morning was one of those mornings. I woke up at 4am, wide awake ready to start the day, only it was 4am and who starts their day that early when they don’t have to… so I made the choice to stay in bed, just for the record, I should have just gotten up! Since I could not sleep I laid there thinking, not good productive thoughts but ones that dragged me down. I thought about how frustrated I am to not be able to run, how because of my injury I stopped caring about what I eat and working out have slipped greatly… how I am frustrated by a dirty house… the dog snoring on the floor next to me… how once I got up I would not be able to find the things I need due to a torn apart house… and other such thoughts that made me in a sour mood by the time I finally got up.

As I stomped around the house (ok I am not proud to admit that, but it’s the truth) I thought about how frustrated I was by different things, I let new things start to bother me and continued down the crabby (ok maybe way more than crabby) road. The whole time I was thinking, poor me, I am such a victim. I mean seriously… it’s not my fault I broke my leg, the house being a mess because the bathroom re-model, defiantly not my choice….. After running around trying to find clothes, shoes, makeup, food and being fairly unsuccessful at most, I made enough noise to wake Phil up, who sweetly asked me if he could help with anything. Oh course my mood was so sour by this point I answer with a stream of “this is wrong… that is wrong… I hate this mess… why are we doing this… there is no food… blah blah blah. Poor Phil, he took the brunt of it.

After my tirade finished, Phil got out of bed to come over and hug me, I started to realize how dumb and immature I was being. Guilt washed over me, and I realized that all the things I was mad and upset about I choose. I am not a victim in life, but somehow I had fallen into the trap. After apologizing to Phil I ran out the door (since by now, I was running late as well).

I got into my car and the first song on the radio was the new song by Kris Allen, Live Like We’re Dying. The basis idea of the song is that we are only given so much time in a day so we better live with a purpose and make every moment count. OK, it hit me again. What if I get in a car accident on the way to work and my spew of anger was the last encounter I had with Phil? Is this how I want to be remembered? No, I want to make every moment count. As I drove I started to realize that all the things I was so upset about and wanting to blame on someone else was 100% me, not anyone else. I am the one who broke my leg, I knew something hurt, I made the choice to keep on running. I am the one who wanted to re-model the bathroom and knew full well that would mean a messy house for a while.

So where is my reset button? I would like to choose a different path this time. I would like to wake up and start my day with prayer, to thank God for another day to live, to love, to show this world Christ’s refection. To kiss my husband goodbye and tell him that I love him more than anything. Though I cannot re-do my morning I want to learn from it. I am choosing to take responsibility for my life and I am determined that even if it is slow progress to place God at the center and live every moment like it is my last, cause who knows, it could be.

As I continue with my day, my prayer is for Christ to be the center of my life, to be where I fix my eyes…

Center

You’re the center of the universe

Everything was made in You Jesus

Breath of every living thing

Everyone was made for You

You hold everything together

Christ be the center of our lives

Be the place we fix our eyes

Be the center of our lives

We lift our eyes to heaven

We wrap our lives around your life

We lift our eyes to heaven, to You – Charlie Hall