A Honest Reflection...

As I am writing this I have started this post about four different times, each time I have hit the backspace key because the words are just not coming out right. The things that I want to write about are so dark, so deep, that I just can’t seem to find a way to cushion the blow of the words that want to bubble out of me. Life has brought hard things these past few months, and part of me longs to scream at the top of my lungs what has happened and beg anyone who will listen to help justice be done, to do something. Part of me wants to run away from the pain and pretend that nothing is happening, the other tells me that going through this fire is worth it in the end. Yet part of me is still asking if I can make it. I am left asking these questions to God. God, do you see what is happening, are you going to make wrong right like you promised? Will justice be done? Will you be my strength in this time? I know you have promised you will not give me more than I can handle, so why does it feel like I am about to fall over the edge?


Maybe these thoughts alone are too raw, but I must be honest with my struggle. I want to say a cheery sentence at the end saying that even through these times I completely trust God and what he is doing. I want to say that even though I have struggled, God has brought me through these hard times and I am on the other side. However I am not there and I think I have finally come to a place that I can admit that and ultimately be ok with this. I know that there will be a day I will be able to see these things as over and be able to see how God’s hand is in everything, but I am not there yet. Some days I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, others I wonder if these things will ever be done in my life, if the pain and the circumstances will ever change.

I don’t want to seem completely depressed or down, I truly am getting through this times knowing the hope that God gives me. Even as I write this I want to take back what I have said, but I want to be honest, because I am not the only one with life changing events happening in their lives and I know I am not the first or the last to feel like this.

In the pain and frustration, I have found the sweetest hope. Without it, I do not know how I would survive. The first is the truth of who God is. I have come to understand how God does not want these horrific things to happen to His children, however like a good parent God does allow the pain to happen, not to torture us but to help us to become more like him. I believe that I could let this time in my life make me bitter, to be mad at God at why He would allow this to happen or I can choose to let God teach me, to grow me more into His child that looks more like her Father everyday. What a completely overwhelming thought. I pray that I am the daughter who is seeking her heavenly fathers face while facing the hardest hurdles of her life. I pray that I can let these times in my life not pull me away, but push me closer to the life support I so desperately need. The second thing that I have found truly overwhelming is seeing God’s people come around and support in amazing ways. I feel like I have truly seen the body of Christ in action. I have never felt this as much as I did when ten of my co-workers and friends gathered around me and lifted me and my family up to the one who holds the keys.

There is a song by Scott Krippayne that whenever I hear on the radio, I am reminded of a truth I need to cling to. The chorus is this…

Sometimes He calms the storm

With a whispered peace be still

He can settle any sea

But it doesn't mean He will

Sometimes He holds us close

And lets the wind and waves go wild

Sometimes He calms the storm

And other times He calms His child

The part that gets me is understanding that God can calm the storm, sometimes he does. But other times he chooses to let the storm rage but then he will calm his child. In this time, I pray that I will be the child in her heavenly fathers arm that might be really scared, I might not understand, I might even feel like I am about to fall out of him arms, but the truth is HE is holding me in His arms and won’t let go. These are the truths I need to cling to.

Fires, Flowers, Sun, & Food!

After a weekend like we had, Mondays just don’t seem so bad. After at least four weekends in a row where we were gone, we spent this last weekend at home ALL weekend. It was a very welcomed change.


Friday when we both got off work we snuggled on the couch and watched some TV. Then we decided that we wanted to go out on a date, so we went to Acapulco, one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. It is not super authentic Mexican food, but super good. They have this white cheese sauce that we have them put on EVERYTHING that is so amazing. After dinner we plopped down on the couch to nurse our completely over filled tummy’s! Then we had a great surprise by some friends stopping by and hanging out with us. It was great to see them and catch up.

Saturday my husband did the most amazing thing ever! He woke me up with a beautiful breakfast that he had made for me in bed. He actually got up, went to the store, and then made everything. He also brought me a huge bundle of tulips. WHAT AN AMAZING GUY! I was so happy and felt so loved. We then had been looking forward to doing some lawn work so headed outside and got dirty! We had a huge load of manure from Phil’s parents that we put in the front gardens to enrich that soil. The lawn was super long after all the rain, so Phil and I took turns mowing! Phil did a bunch of rototilling so that we can plant grass in all the areas we pulled up bushes and other things. After we got all the hard work done we went to Linders and got a bunch of flowers to plant in the gardens. My heart was so happy! We got home and planted all the flowers as well as planted a bunch of hasta’s that my mother-in-law gave us! I am so excited to get the gardens going and continue to beautify our yard. I also realized that I really do love flower gardening, and that getting my hands dirty planting in awesome.

After church Saturday night we did something really crazy! We had some good friends over for a bon fire and ended up sleeping out in sleeping bags by the fire! I am sure that our neighbors think we are crazy but we had so much fun I don’t care!

Sunday after working, we had some books we needed to return to the library and I just felt like being out. So after we dropped the books off Phil took me down to the Tea Garden where we got bubble tea. Phil then drove me downtown to show me where he is working now. His access card was still working on the weekend so we were able to go and see his office as well as go up on the roof of the building. It was so cool up there. His building is downtown right by the Metrodome, you can see so much of the city from up there. After we left the building, we drove down to the river and were able to take that road that follows along the river. It was the most beautiful drive I have been on. The river was so peaceful and the sun was setting leaving a pink glow on everything. There was a bridge by one of the lock and dams that you could see the reflection perfectly, it was almost so perfect it was hard to figure out where the bridge ended and the water started. Even though it was so simple, the beauty and serenity of the night brought so much peace to my heart. I felt so relaxed and refreshed after the weekend, it was truly amazing!

This week marks the start of summer at Northwestern that means I am once again so busy I never stop moving for a moment the whole time I am at work. Today I did a nine hour day and feel like I should not have left when I did. I have pages and pages of things that I need to accomplish in the next few weeks. I am really hoping I will be able to keep the blogging up over the summer, however it may get a little harder!

The joy in little things

Last night we moved a few steps closer to having a completed bathroom! I really can’t explain my excitement over this! While there is still some major things to be done, Phil put up the shelves in the linen closet, and this was a huge step forward. I no longer have tools mixed with hair products or towels in the guest bedroom. Instead they are all in their place in my beautiful new shelves.

We have two college girls moving in for the summer while Emily is gone; however they overlap by about two weeks so we needed a place for the girls to stay for a while. We decided that the upstairs was the best place for them; however this is the ONLY place in the house we have literally done nothing to. So last night we moved all of our storage that had piled up and cleaned and washed everything. I was amazed again by the dirt and nasty that the last owners left behind. After we cleaned I painted the stairwell since it was an ugly green with some graffiti on the walls. It looks so much better and I am starting to think with little money we could turn that into a really nice room…. Maybe that will be our next project! For now, the girls have a nice, clean place to stay for a few weeks.

This weekend we are looking forward to getting out in the yard and doing some much needed work. The gardens need to be weeded, the grass cut, and about a hundred other random things to be done. I really enjoy yard work, so it should be fun. I can’t wait to get flowers planted also!

Today marks my last day with Student Development for the year. I am feeling mixed emotions about this! I am excited for the change of pace and new challenges but will miss this job also!

Have a great weekend!

The stair's before!

The stair's after

The NEW vanity

New shower

The BEAUTIFUL new shelves Phil installed! Now we just need doors and trim to complete the look :)

To Lake Michigan and Back

Oh how the years go by…

Today I am sitting at work watching the commotions as our students here at Northwestern are finishing up finals and moving out. All students must be moved out of the dorms by noon Friday so many have already gone into panic mode. I see such an array of emotions as they are moving out, some so glad to get out of this place, others not quite willing to let go of the year yet. Though it has been years already I feel like it was not that long ago I was in their shoes.
I am reminded how fast times flies by. Watching the students hurry around, I want to hit the pause button and remind them this is a short season of life that will soon be gone. Enjoy every moment of the experience, it will soon be only a memory.

In my own life I need to remember the same thing. Life is short, days may seem long but the weeks seem short. I want to enjoy all of life for the good and bad. It is so easy for me to forget the small things in life like helping someone out, or just asking how someone’s day has been and truly listening.

No, Not Me!

As you have gathered, this last week has been a complete blur, honestly I think I stepped off the plane into an alternate universe where time and space are totally messed up. But don’t worry, I am super woman and even though life has been crazy I am still taking care of the small things…

No, this is not me, there is not a week of mail stacked on my counter top… apparently you did not read the above about me being super woman!

OH, this is someone else’s bedroom, I would NEVER be home for almost a week and headed out on another trip without unpacking… and no, I am not STILL living out of my suitcase!

Can you believe this person? I mean I bet this laundry pile has not been done for at least two weeks… maybe more…. Who does this? (And do they have any clean underware left?!?!)

This I know for sure is not me, I always do my dishes after I cook, how could any one not?

Ok, and honestly, if you have been under construction, wouldn’t you clean up and take the toilet paper and towel off the office couch?

Lastly, this is definitely not me, never would I have tools and hair products together in the bathroom non the less… my goodness, this poor girls house…

Ok, well thanks for letting me share how messy others are, just remember, I am super woman, my house is perfectly clean and organized and my brain does not feel scattered at all as I am once again on the road. Thank you for your understanding!

Off again!

Where did this week go? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love that the weekend is here, however somehow it just means that this week was so full is just escaped from me!

This weekend we were going to relax, hang out with friends, unpack (please do not judge me for suitcases still on the bedroom floor… ) maybe even clean the house. However our plans changed again and we are off again! I guess this whole planning trips at the drop of a hat thing is sticking for us. (my poor dog, he thinks we no longer love him!)

We will be driving down to Racine, Wisconsin as soon as Phil and I both get off of work today along with his Mom. Phil’s grandfather has been battling cancer as well as a very bad infection in his knee for a while and now the cancer has spread. We both decided that we wanted to make sure we were able to see his grandparents soon. We will spend the day tomorrow with his family down there and then drive up to Milwaukee to visit my brother who is attending the University of Milwaukee. I am super excited to see his dorm, see where he has classes and have dinner with him. Then after dinner we will drive back up to Minnesota.

Maybe one day we will have nothing to do, for today, I am really glad we can take this time to be with family!

Phil’s first day on the job yesterday went really well! He is super excited to have a huge window in his office overlooking the city of Minneapolis. He sent me a text of it yesterday, and it is beautiful! Sure beats his cubicle with no natural light in his last job! He also said he really likes what he is doing, and feels like this is a good fit for him. I am so thankful for God providing a good job and something he enjoys!

My run yesterday was awesome! I ran a little over half a mile… yes, I know that does not compare to the six-eight I would do before… but hey, you gotta start somewhere! It felt so good to run, and know that I am making progress. As I ran they recorded me and then after we watched it and I was able to see a few things I can change in my running style that will help me prevent injury in the future as well as make my running more effective. I am allowed to walk for the next week and a half, then I will get my training program to get back to running after that. My physical therapist says that though it might be hard, she thinks I will still have enough time to train for the marathon, I just need to be really careful so I do not re-injure!

Hope you all have a great weekend, don’t forget, its Mothers Day on Sunday! 

Not forgetful, just busy!

I know it, I have been absolutely horrible about keeping updated these last few weeks. However just to state my case, this is not because I have not thought about it! In fact, I typically go through my day thinking about what I want to blog about, and believe me, I have a lot of good ideas. Yet somehow at the end of the day when I crash into bed (and yes, it has been almost literally crashing into bed) I have not written down anything. These past few weeks have been so crazy, I feel like I need to grab on to something stationary and hold on for dear life… and unfortunately there are no signs of life slowing down.
Phil and I both flew back to Minnesota Sunday afternoon after having an amazing trip in New Mexico. My heart, mind, body and soul really needed to escape and relax. Though we were very busy while we were down there, it was so nice to be doing something different with my great family. I was SO hard to say goodbye, but are excited that we will be going down end of June again for about ten days… and the countdown begins!

Work is insanely busy, though having a week off was amazing, I am paying for it now! I could work 24 hours a day and still not get done all that needs to be done before I start with Events for the summer. As some of you know, I work for Student Development nine months out of the year and then work with our lodging program for three months in the summer. I really love both positions, however this time of year it is crazy trying to wrap up one job and also working at getting the next started. This summer is also extremely busy with groups that will keep me oh so busy as well.

We have had a HUGE answer to prayer as well! Phil interviewed for a position on Tuesday and got a call back the same day that they wanted him to start today! It is a management company that has many apartment complexes for low income and homeless people all over the Twin Cities. He will be doing general accounting work for them. It is a contract position; however it sound like this will be a much longer contract, maybe even a year. So in the mean time, there are a few other direct hire jobs he is still in the running for. We are just so amazed at how God continually takes care of us!

Today I get to run for the first time in months… and I am scared!! Honestly really scared! I think it is more that I don’t want to face the reality of needing to get back in running shape or that I have probably lost all my great progress. However, I am excited that my leg is healing enough to start running again! Today I am running with my physical therapist and she is going to video tape me running and then we will work on form and how I run to help prevent injury in the future. Then in two weeks I meet with the orthopedist again and she said at the point unless something has really changed I should be given the green light to run on my own and start training again for the marathon! I am nervous thinking about running the marathon because I feel like I have lost so much time for training, but am so thankful that I will still be able to run.

And now for the random thoughts/pictures that have been floating around in my head for days…
Please meet Audrey… This is my dog (ok, I mean my moms dog, but I would take her in a heartbeat!) She is the sweetest little girl ever, I really had fun with her while in NM... I am sure she really misses me :)

Did you know spring is here? Yes, yes it is here!! Just to prove to you that it is… look what I bought to make our yard beautiful!!!

Did you know in New Mexico you can bring your little dogs anywhere?!? It’s true, and yes, Audrey loved going to Lowes with us!

I have also decided that I think the Southwest is b-e-a-utiful…. I love the mountains and the clouds and the sun and and and…. :) Marta and her boyfriend and Phil and I took a trip about an hour and a half south of Albuquerque to get hay for my Mom’s horses, I was beautiful country!

Yes, this is what real men do… and yes, these are real men!

And these…

And these…

Opps, i mean look at those REAL girls! :)

Ok, last random thought… can you believe that my little sister is 17!??! Look at her all grown up AND WITH A BOY!! :) Marta, I love you!