A end and a Begining!

Hello,


Thanks for looking at my blog! I have started a new blog at a different address that I would love you to read! I am honored that you have taken time out of your day to read my musings, and would love to direct you to the new site. If we are friends on Facebook, I have the new address posted there, if we are not friends, please feel free to send me an email at khbuckles@nwc.edu and I will send you the new address. I truly would love to share with you whether we a good close friends or maybe don’t even know each other, so don’t hesitate to send an email my way!

I am very excited to interact with you all on the new blog and explain a little of why I have made this change!

Thanks again, look forward to connecting on the new site soon!

Katie

An in between day

Its eleven thirty on Saturday night and I am typing on my laptop in bed. The blue glow of the computer is lighting up the room and there is the noise of my typing along with my other favorite noises, the dog sleeping next to our bed running in his sleep, and Phil sleeping next to me, I can hear his steady breathing as he sleeps. In the silence there is a peace and love that I feel. I am grateful for this in between day.

Today we went to a family friends beautiful wedding. When the pastor was talking he said something to the bride and groom about this being a huge day for them, which it was, but that it is the other days, the in between the big days that make up a marriage. While there are days that seem more important it is in the everyday little things that matter. Isn’t this true? Everyday is not your wedding day, everyday is not filled with glamour and pictures, most days are just filled with life and where that leads us. Wedding days are very special, but the more special thing is the commitment you are making.

This weekend we both got off work early on Friday and decided this was the time to finish the bathroom remodel, as we walked through Home Depot I found love. As we worked together to tile the floor we laughed, we smiled, we loved. When we crashed into bed after that last tile was laid, I found security and rest. After the wedding both Phil and I were feeling a little bit under the weather so we came home, put on our comfy sweats and snuggled up on the couch and watched a movie. Tonight as I lay snuggled in my bed I am thankful, I am thankful for all that God has blessed me with, I am thankful for a home to live in, I am thankful for a husbands cold feet I can warm up, I am thankful for the tools on our bed room floor that signify great progress, I am thankful for today. These are the in between days.

I love you.

You are my best friend.

Today I give myself to you in marriage.

I promise to encourage and inspire you,

to laugh with you, and to comfort you in

times of sorrow and struggle.

I promise to love you in good times and in

bad, when life seems easy and when it

seems hard, when our love is simple,

and when it is an effort.

I promise to cherish you, and to always

hold you in highest regard.

These things I give to you today,

and all the days of our life

Beautiful

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me

 

Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart,

and be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful - Bethany Dillon

“For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true” – Ephesians 5:8-9 NLT

Desperate times… desperate measures!

Today is Monday.

You would think that this means I would be completely refreshed and ready to start a long work week, yet the opposite is true today! All morning I have been dreaming of a wonderful blended coffee drink, or curling up in the sun shine and taking a nap. Instead I have settled but sometimes you just gotta to what you gotta do. So after scrounging for change in the bottom of my purse I found enough for a life line… sorry Mom, I know you raised me better! :)

Running Again!

After months of healing I am finally running again! I am so excited to be able to move again and start training for the marathon once again. It will be a long road, but my doctor and physical therapist both believe that I will still be able to run, so here I go!

What’s that you say? No long explanation about why I have not blogged for two weeks? Yup, that’s right, life is just busy! I miss blogging but reality says that I just don’t have the time during the summer that I need, so my priorities are going to shift for the summer, but I’ll be back in the fall. (Hey just think of me like a good TV show… stay tuned for next season and a few posts through the summer!)

A Honest Reflection...

As I am writing this I have started this post about four different times, each time I have hit the backspace key because the words are just not coming out right. The things that I want to write about are so dark, so deep, that I just can’t seem to find a way to cushion the blow of the words that want to bubble out of me. Life has brought hard things these past few months, and part of me longs to scream at the top of my lungs what has happened and beg anyone who will listen to help justice be done, to do something. Part of me wants to run away from the pain and pretend that nothing is happening, the other tells me that going through this fire is worth it in the end. Yet part of me is still asking if I can make it. I am left asking these questions to God. God, do you see what is happening, are you going to make wrong right like you promised? Will justice be done? Will you be my strength in this time? I know you have promised you will not give me more than I can handle, so why does it feel like I am about to fall over the edge?


Maybe these thoughts alone are too raw, but I must be honest with my struggle. I want to say a cheery sentence at the end saying that even through these times I completely trust God and what he is doing. I want to say that even though I have struggled, God has brought me through these hard times and I am on the other side. However I am not there and I think I have finally come to a place that I can admit that and ultimately be ok with this. I know that there will be a day I will be able to see these things as over and be able to see how God’s hand is in everything, but I am not there yet. Some days I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, others I wonder if these things will ever be done in my life, if the pain and the circumstances will ever change.

I don’t want to seem completely depressed or down, I truly am getting through this times knowing the hope that God gives me. Even as I write this I want to take back what I have said, but I want to be honest, because I am not the only one with life changing events happening in their lives and I know I am not the first or the last to feel like this.

In the pain and frustration, I have found the sweetest hope. Without it, I do not know how I would survive. The first is the truth of who God is. I have come to understand how God does not want these horrific things to happen to His children, however like a good parent God does allow the pain to happen, not to torture us but to help us to become more like him. I believe that I could let this time in my life make me bitter, to be mad at God at why He would allow this to happen or I can choose to let God teach me, to grow me more into His child that looks more like her Father everyday. What a completely overwhelming thought. I pray that I am the daughter who is seeking her heavenly fathers face while facing the hardest hurdles of her life. I pray that I can let these times in my life not pull me away, but push me closer to the life support I so desperately need. The second thing that I have found truly overwhelming is seeing God’s people come around and support in amazing ways. I feel like I have truly seen the body of Christ in action. I have never felt this as much as I did when ten of my co-workers and friends gathered around me and lifted me and my family up to the one who holds the keys.

There is a song by Scott Krippayne that whenever I hear on the radio, I am reminded of a truth I need to cling to. The chorus is this…

Sometimes He calms the storm

With a whispered peace be still

He can settle any sea

But it doesn't mean He will

Sometimes He holds us close

And lets the wind and waves go wild

Sometimes He calms the storm

And other times He calms His child

The part that gets me is understanding that God can calm the storm, sometimes he does. But other times he chooses to let the storm rage but then he will calm his child. In this time, I pray that I will be the child in her heavenly fathers arm that might be really scared, I might not understand, I might even feel like I am about to fall out of him arms, but the truth is HE is holding me in His arms and won’t let go. These are the truths I need to cling to.

Fires, Flowers, Sun, & Food!

After a weekend like we had, Mondays just don’t seem so bad. After at least four weekends in a row where we were gone, we spent this last weekend at home ALL weekend. It was a very welcomed change.


Friday when we both got off work we snuggled on the couch and watched some TV. Then we decided that we wanted to go out on a date, so we went to Acapulco, one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. It is not super authentic Mexican food, but super good. They have this white cheese sauce that we have them put on EVERYTHING that is so amazing. After dinner we plopped down on the couch to nurse our completely over filled tummy’s! Then we had a great surprise by some friends stopping by and hanging out with us. It was great to see them and catch up.

Saturday my husband did the most amazing thing ever! He woke me up with a beautiful breakfast that he had made for me in bed. He actually got up, went to the store, and then made everything. He also brought me a huge bundle of tulips. WHAT AN AMAZING GUY! I was so happy and felt so loved. We then had been looking forward to doing some lawn work so headed outside and got dirty! We had a huge load of manure from Phil’s parents that we put in the front gardens to enrich that soil. The lawn was super long after all the rain, so Phil and I took turns mowing! Phil did a bunch of rototilling so that we can plant grass in all the areas we pulled up bushes and other things. After we got all the hard work done we went to Linders and got a bunch of flowers to plant in the gardens. My heart was so happy! We got home and planted all the flowers as well as planted a bunch of hasta’s that my mother-in-law gave us! I am so excited to get the gardens going and continue to beautify our yard. I also realized that I really do love flower gardening, and that getting my hands dirty planting in awesome.

After church Saturday night we did something really crazy! We had some good friends over for a bon fire and ended up sleeping out in sleeping bags by the fire! I am sure that our neighbors think we are crazy but we had so much fun I don’t care!

Sunday after working, we had some books we needed to return to the library and I just felt like being out. So after we dropped the books off Phil took me down to the Tea Garden where we got bubble tea. Phil then drove me downtown to show me where he is working now. His access card was still working on the weekend so we were able to go and see his office as well as go up on the roof of the building. It was so cool up there. His building is downtown right by the Metrodome, you can see so much of the city from up there. After we left the building, we drove down to the river and were able to take that road that follows along the river. It was the most beautiful drive I have been on. The river was so peaceful and the sun was setting leaving a pink glow on everything. There was a bridge by one of the lock and dams that you could see the reflection perfectly, it was almost so perfect it was hard to figure out where the bridge ended and the water started. Even though it was so simple, the beauty and serenity of the night brought so much peace to my heart. I felt so relaxed and refreshed after the weekend, it was truly amazing!

This week marks the start of summer at Northwestern that means I am once again so busy I never stop moving for a moment the whole time I am at work. Today I did a nine hour day and feel like I should not have left when I did. I have pages and pages of things that I need to accomplish in the next few weeks. I am really hoping I will be able to keep the blogging up over the summer, however it may get a little harder!